How to be Homeless in Southern California, circa 1983 (continued…)
When we left off at Step 7, I was lumbering along I-40 in the passenger seat of a U-Haul truck heading west. Back to San Diego. Back home. To familiarity, stability, and belonging. I had such High Hopes - The Pink Floyd version, not the Frank Sinatra favorite. Anyhow. Let’s carry on, shall we?
Step 8: Upon arriving back in your hometown, be very careful to graciously accept the news that your handsome groom does not, as he had assured you, have employment and an apartment secured for the two of you. Submissively and with a gentle and quiet spirit, listen to his tale of religious persecution resulting in the promised job being retracted. Bow your head to pray when he says to. Notice the pattern your falling tears are making on your skirt.
Step 9: Having eventually moved into a shabby one-bedroom, courtesy of your new in-laws, begin the business of being a wife and homemaker. Never stop berating yourself for getting things wrong - listening to the wrong radio station, reading a magazine the neighbor gave you, vacuuming before dusting, leaving the apartment during the day without permission. You are the problem. Take to heart every shouted epithet.
Step 10: Follow all of his rules. Watch only television shows he approves of. When he declares you must only wear skirts and dresses, agree joyfully. Wait until he has fallen asleep to let your heart break over the beloved books he threw in the dumpster. Never notice that he is slowly and methodically separating you from every person you care about and can depend on. Socialize only with his approved friends from church.
Step 11: HIDE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. Yes, this feels deceitful. It is the opposite of submission. It is dangerous, but you won’t know this yet. A tiny voice will tell you that having this man’s child will be disastrous for you as well as the child. For god’s sake, listen.
Step 12: Spend approximately one year in that colorless, lifeless apartment and colorless, lifeless life. Obey. Submit. Repeat.
Step 13: Upon learning that your blonde, blue-eyed boy-groom has found a new apartment, rejoice at the thought of a balcony and a swimming pool! Things are looking up! Maybe you can make friends at the pool! Bake him a chocolate cake to thank him for being such a good and thoughtful husband. Six months later you will be choking on your tears in the deep end of that pool, so try to enjoy this moment.
… once again, to be continued.